ABOUT THIS BLOG

Hello, My name is Brad Burns, a video game player guy who plays video games. I like to play video games...if you havent noticed. This blog is dedicated to reviewing games released before PS2/Xbox generation. These games have a special place in my heart as they are the ones I grew up with. I hope you enjoy!

Super Mario 64

This is it. The mother of all games. The magnum opus of a generation. One of the greatest, best-selling titles in the most popular video game franchise of all time. Super Mario 64 (not the 64th game in the series mind you, although there probably are at least 64 mario titles at this point considering he's been in our hearts since 1985).

It's a me...uh...m-....mario?

Just in case you've been living under a rock for the last 30 years, Mario follows the eponymously named Italian plumber who goes on adventures to rescue Princess Peach from the clutches of Bowser, a giant dragon turtle. Super Mario 64 is no different. This time around, Peach is magically sealed within the paintings of her castle and Mario must unlock the Power Stars to traverse through the castle and get to bowser. Only to be blue-balled by Peach as a reward once again.

I guess a kiss is fine...

What isnt there to love about this game? This game redefined the 3d platform genre just as the original redefined 2d platformers. The game still feels perfect to control and play. The attack combos, jumping mechanics, and acrobatic stunts you can pull all work at a timeless level of fun. The worlds within the paintings are all unique and interesting, putting mario in various situations like - flying through the sky, swimming underwater, shrinking and growing size, and huge obstacle course environments. All the stars you must find give this game replay value and a long play time, despite its underlying simple concept. 

5/5

PARASITE EVE

Parasite Eve is a game released for the Playstation in the late 90s. It follows the story of Aya Brea, a cop on the NYPD who is thrown into a mess of mysterious circumstances. On Christmas Eve 1997, Aya Brea and her date go to the opera to see an...opera. Everything hunky dory until the lead role of the play starts singing her beautiful heart out. The song would be great, if it werent for the fact that everybody else in the theatre spontaneously combusts into flames.

This was not on the pamphlet

Aya, unharmed, goes to investigate the mysterious singer. The singer is surprised that the cop hasnt succumbed to a horrible death and reveals her "true identity" as mitochondria eve. Get ready, cus im about to lay down a bunch of science shit on your ass.

Inside each and every one of our cells exist an energy source know as mitochondria.. Mitochondria have their own genetic code (DNA) and even produce their own sperm. Why? It is once thought that mitochondria were a completely separate organism floating in the primordial soup and then combined with the cell as the two mutually benefit each other.

You have people living inside you...

According to this game (and the novel this game is actually based on/a sequel to), as humans have evolved so too have mitochondria, becoming conscious and forming their own independent identity. The mitochondria communicate with each other through some sort of telepathic manner and have reached the point where they are ready to take over the human race. The mitochondria within the cells of the target human's body released all available energy at once, creating a reaction akin to spontaneous combustion.

And it also turn animals into scary monster demon things too apparently

The origin of all mitochondria is know as Mitochondria Eve, hence the name of the antagonist. Due to selfish gene theory, Aya's mitochondria is resistant to the effects of Eve and goes through the game kicking mitochondria monster ass in an effort to stop eve. 

The gameplay is very fun and by far my favorite aspect of this game. Its a combination of real-time and  turn based. When your active time bar fills up you can shoot your gun a set number of times, use healing items, or use crazy superpowers you'd see in any other JRPG - Haste, heal, slow, etc. (She can do this because the mitochondria in her body are working with her and making her stronger, allowing her to also manipulate the mitochondria in others)

This game is a classic, definitely one of my favorites. Great story, great combat system, great game.

5/5

Legend Of Zelda - Majora's Mask AKA Most Depressing Game Ever

LoZ Majora's Mask was released in 2000 for the N64. The game is a sequel to one of the most influential and appreciated games of its time, LoZ Ocarina of Time.

At the beginning of the game we find Link riding on his horse through the forest when he encounters a masked...thing (named Skull Kid) who steals his magical time-manipulating ocarina, kills his horse, and turn him into a tree-boy. 5 minutes into the game and Link already gets the shit-end of the stick.

Seriously dude?

But that's not even close to being the end of Link's troubles. Turns out theres a giant moon in the sky with a CREEPY FACE thats slowly but surely descending towards the Earth. You have a time limit of 3 in-game days (about 72 minutes) before the moon crashes into the planet, annihilating every last shred of humanity. Wow, and I thought this was a game for kids.

Oh hey guys, just crashing into your planet no biggie

And why are we face to creepy face with this moon time-limit challenge? You dont even fucking know. There is not one line of dialogue in the game that even acknowledges the fact that everybody is about to die. Talk about escapist denial. So the first part of the game you go around town trying to figure out how to get your ocarina back from the Skull Kid so you can reverse time and undo the impending doom of the planet. You can talk to the various shop-owners and guards but they all treat you like shit because you're half tree.

We dont appreciate your kind around these parts

Eventually you get the ocarina back and reverse time back to the beginning of the first day and, also using the ocarina, a mask salesman teaches you a song that reverts you back to your formal not-bark self. The mask salesman explains to you that the Skull Kid stole Majora's Mask (name of game! lol) from him and is using its immense power to cause chaos. Thus begins your journey to the various temples and bosses that you'd expect from any RPG. Going on a hunt for Majora's Mask while uncovering backstory and forward...story of al the characters.

This game has a great control feel and plays very smoothly. The combat is real-time and very fast paced. You have a great variety of weapons and dodging maneuvers to aid you as well as magical spells from your ocarina and masks that transform your physique into whatever the situation demands. The game is as much a puzzle game as it is an action game. But its rich atmosphere, art design, and intense boss fights will keep you intrigued during this epic quest. I give this game...

5/5